18 November 2013

Is that light at the end of the tunnel a train?

As positive as I am most of the time, sometimes I get super overwhelmed with how far I have to go. On my budget sheet, I don't have my loans as part of the Debt Snowball (DS). I'm still paying minimum payments and I'm by no means planning on keeping them, so why not add them to the snowball??

If I had my student loans as part of the DS, I would be a lot less positive about this process.

To date, I've paid off about 1/3 of the non-student loan of the DS. It started around $2700 and it's down to $2075 within 4 months.

Lump my student loans into that and it's a lot less significant with an balance of $9700. Ew. Not as exciting and a little sad.

My biggest frustration is I feel it's not moving as fast as I'd like it to, so I can get to bigger and better things that will propel me forward in my life instead of hold me back looking at the things I want through a glass window.

Last time I did this, I was working 60 hours a week at two jobs, making around $21k a year and, since I had less expenses and was making bigger payments, I had a lot of spending money (that in retrospect could've been saved but oh well).

Big difference from now where I'm working 40 hours a week (if I'm lucky) and give myself a strict fun money budget of $30 a month that goes FAST. I can't increase that, and I have expensive tastes when it comes to entertainment (I'm looking at you wine tours). I have some good friends that help me out, so I shouldn't complain, but sometimes it really sucks when you just want to pay for them for once. I get giddy when I pay, because I do like to treat people. I just can't right now. It kills me.

I never ever EVER want to go through this process again. I won't always make meager $18k a year, but I'll be damned if my future bigger salary is distributed to debt collectors each month (no matter how nice my dental offices have been). I want my money to be mine.

I have SO much I want to do, but cant because I'm broke. I still need to finish my undergrad, establish a teaching career, travel the world, get a dog, and -- most reluctantly -- buy a car. Being a kindergarten teacher won't exactly come with a huge salary, so being debt-free from the start is the only way I'll enjoy those things.

Maybe it's the winter blues and the Christmas shopping my friends are doing that I can't join in on. I know it's partially because I can't visit my family or have anyone visit me until after this is over.

It might also slightly be because I'm tired of knowing my potential and not being able to fully demonstrate it.

It'll be over before I know it and the world had better be ready for me unchained.

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